Is My ADHD the Reason My Love Life Looks Like a Jigsaw Puzzle with Missing Pieces?
Right, let's have a proper honest chat, shall we? Looking back at my romantic history, it's fair to say it reads a bit like a comedy of errors – albeit one that probably wasn't all that funny for the leading ladies involved.
Two marriages, three other long-term girlfriends… a fair few notches on the relationship bedpost, you might say!! But if I'm truly honest with myself (and with you lot), the trail of bewildered and likely exasperated exes behind me might just have a common denominator: my good old friend, ADHD.
It wasn't until later in life that the penny finally dropped, that the whirlwind of my brain had a name. But looking back through the lens of this newfound understanding, so many of my less-than-stellar relationship habits suddenly click into place. Take the forgetfulness, for instance. It wasn't a conscious decision to blank on birthdays or anniversaries; my brain simply didn't flag them as the red-letter days they are.
The mental clutter, the lack of organisation that spills out into every aspect of life? That probably didn't scream "stable and reliable partner" either. And my timekeeping? Let's just say "fashionably late" was less of a choice and more of a default setting, a constant source of frustration, I'm sure.
Then there's the memory. Or rather, the sieve I seem to have where memories should be. Important dates vanished into the ether, details of conversations evaporated like morning mist. I can only imagine how that felt to someone who expected me to remember the little things, the things that signify care and attention.
It wasn't all bad, mind you. I like to think I brought a fair bit to the table. I'm generally easy-going, love a good laugh (and making others laugh), and I genuinely care deeply about the people in my life. When the stars aligned and my brain cooperated, I could even pull off a romantic gesture or two! I'm also a giving person, often putting others' needs before my own – perhaps even to a fault, in my eagerness to please and avoid confrontation.
Ah, the people-pleasing. That's another delightful ADHD trait that probably did me no favours in the long run. The desire to avoid conflict, to keep the peace at all costs, often meant I wouldn't address underlying issues, letting them fester until they inevitably blew up.
And then there's my relentless obsession with ambition and work. That hyperfocus, that all-consuming drive to succeed professionally? It often came at the expense of nurturing my relationships, leaving partners feeling like they were playing second fiddle to my career.
But let's be fair, it wasn't all me, was it? Relationships are a two-way street, and no one is perfect. But as I navigate this stage of life, the allure of solo living has become increasingly strong. The thought of constantly having to navigate the complexities of a long-term relationship, the potential for misunderstandings fueled by my ADHD quirks, the need for constant communication and compromise… well, the quiet comfort of my own company often seems a far more appealing prospect these days.
Perhaps it's a form of self-preservation. Perhaps it's simply an acceptance of who I am and what I find easier. Either way, looking back, it's hard not to wonder if my wonderfully wired brain, with all its quirks and foibles, played a significant role in the romantic rollercoaster I've experienced.
Maybe understanding this now is the first step towards a different kind of relationship – the one I have with myself, in the peaceful solitude of my own company. And honestly? Right now, that feels pretty good.
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