The Unspoken Harmony: Family, Resilience, and the Seeds of People-Pleasing
My early childhood was marked by a significant shift, one that felt rather unusual in the UK of the 1970s: my parents divorced when I was around four years old. Looking back, there was perhaps a subtle stigma attached to being from a "broken home," as it was often termed back then.
But if there was any negativity, my mum shielded my sister Tanya (three years my senior and my lifelong confidante) and me from it with unwavering strength.
Mum was, quite simply, a force of nature. As a single parent, she worked tirelessly, relentlessly even, to ensure Tanya and I never felt like we were missing out. She was determined to maintain a lifestyle that kept us on par with our friends, a testament to her fierce love and dedication.
We saw Dad every weekend, which was a constant and comforting presence, but home was undeniably where Mum was, even though both were our rock in different ways.
One of the most remarkable aspects of our family dynamic, even to this day, is the almost complete absence of arguments. The four of us – Mum, Dad, Tanya, and me – have navigated life's ups and downs without ever descending into full-blown slanging matches. Now, as I reflect on the previous chapter about my people-pleasing tendencies, I can see how this might have been ingrained from an early age.
I'm sure we've all irritated each other at various points over the years, but a combination of politeness, mutual respect, or perhaps an unspoken desire to maintain harmony has always prevented things from escalating. It's a testament to the way we were raised, this quiet, almost serene coexistence.
Growing up with a single parent meant that the luxuries enjoyed by some of our peers – the big, extravagant presents, the exotic holidays – were not a regular feature of our lives. However, and this is a crucial point, we never felt deprived.
Mum's hard work ensured we were always provided for, and perhaps as a result, Tanya and I developed a deep appreciation for the smaller things in life. A new book, a special treat, a day trip to the coast – these were treasures to be savoured. Thankfully, this appreciation for the simple joys has carried through into my adulthood.
Looking back, my upbringing as the child of a determined single mother in a less understanding era undoubtedly shaped my character. It instilled in me a strong sense of resilience, an understanding of hard work, and perhaps, subtly, reinforced that desire to please, to avoid conflict, to contribute to a peaceful and stable environment.
It was a childhood filled with love and unwavering support, even if it didn't always follow the conventional path. And for that, I am eternally grateful. It laid a foundation that, despite the later discovery of my ADHD, has helped me navigate the complexities of life and business with a quiet strength and an enduring appreciation for the simple things.
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